Quote of the Day (2010-09-30)

Victor Melling: If I'd ever had a daughter, I imagine she might have been something like you... which is perhaps why I've never reproduced.

Source: Miss Congeniality

Quote of the Day (2010-09-29)

Sam Baldwin: What is "tiramisu"?

Jay: You'll find out.

Sam Baldwin: Well, what is it?

Jay: You'll see!

Sam Baldwin: Some woman is gonna want me to do it to her and I'm not gonna know what it is!

Source: Sleepless in Seattle

Quote of the Day (2010-09-28)

Peter Gibbons: So I was sitting in my cubicle today, and I realized, ever since I started working, every single day of my life has been worse than the day before it. So that means that every single day that you see me, that's on the worst day of my life.

Dr. Swanson: What about today? Is today the worst day of your life?

Peter Gibbons: Yeah.

Dr. Swanson: Wow, that's messed up.

Source: Office Space

Quote of the Day (2010-09-27)

Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly!

Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity.

Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah!

Followers: He is! He is the Messiah!

Brian: Now, f*** off!

[silence]

Arthur: How shall we f*** off, O Lord?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2010-09-26)

Lilith: I'm here for a convention and I happened to hear your voice on the radio. I kept hoping you'd introduce Pearl Jam's latest hit, but much to my chagrin, you were doling out worthless little advice pellets from your psychiatric pez dispenser.

Source: Frasier

Quote of the Day (2010-09-25)

[Ralph has been laid off]

Ed Norton: I know just how you feel because I went through the same thing two or three years ago when they laid me off from the sewer. I felt just like a fish out of water.

Source: The Honeymooners

Quote of the Day (2010-09-24)

Charles: Ehm, look. Sorry, sorry. I just, ehm, well, this is a very stupid question and... , particularly in view of our recent shopping excursion, but I just wondered, by any chance, ehm, eh, I mean obviously not because I guess I've only slept with 9 people, but-but I-I just wondered... ehh. I really feel, ehh, in short, to recap it slightly in a clearer version, eh, the words of David Cassidy in fact, eh, while he was still with the Partridge family, eh, "I think I love you," and eh, I-I just wondered by any chance you wouldn't like to... Eh... Eh... No, no, no of course not... I'm an idiot, he's not... Excellent, excellent, fantastic, eh, I was gonna say lovely to see you, sorry to disturb... Better get on...

Carrie: That was very romantic.

Charles: Well, I thought it over a lot, you know, I wanted to get it just right.

Source: Four Weddings And A Funeral

Quote of the Day (2010-09-23)

Gus Portokalos: You know, the root of the word Miller is a Greek word. Miller come from the Greek word "milo," which is mean "apple," so there you go. As many of you know, our name, Portokalos, is come from the Greek word "portokali," which mean "orange." So, okay? Here tonight, we have, ah, apple and orange. We all different, but in the end, we all fruit.

Source: My Big Fat Greek Wedding

Quote of the Day (2010-09-22)

Miracle Max: He probably owes you money huh? I'll ask him.

Inigo Montoya: He's dead. He can't talk.

Miracle Max: Whoo-hoo-hoo, look who knows so much. It just so happens that your friend here is only MOSTLY dead. There's a big difference between mostly dead and all dead. Mostly dead is slightly alive. With all dead, well, with all dead there's usually only one thing you can do.

Inigo Montoya: What's that?

Miracle Max: Go through his clothes and look for loose change.

Source: The Princess Bride

Quote of the Day (2010-09-21)

Bernard Woolley: "They cannot stop us eating the British sausage, can they?"

Jim Hacker: "They can stop us calling it a sausage though. Apparently it has got to be called the Emulsified High-Fat Offal Tube."

Bernard Woolley: "And you swallowed it?"

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2010-09-20)

[C.D. is helping Chris with his first letter to Roxanne]

C.D. Bales: Let's take a look at that letter...

Chris McConnell: I think it's really good!

C.D. Bales: "Dear Roxanne, how's it going? Want to have a drink sometime? If you do, check this box."

Source: Roxanne

Quote of the Day (2010-09-19)

[as he goes to hand Renault a bribe]

Jan Brandel: Captain Renault... may I?

Captain Renault: Oh no! Not here please! Come to my office tomorrow morning. We'll do everything business-like.

Jan Brandel: We'll be there at six!

Captain Renault: I'll be there at ten.

Source: Casablanca

Quote of the Day (2010-09-18)

Marge: [to Bart] Now we have to find another school for you.

Homer: And if you get kicked out of that one, you're going straight in the army, where you'll be sent straight to America's latest military quagmire. Where will it be? North Korea? Iran? Anything's possible with Commander Cuckoo-Bananas in charge.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2010-09-17)

I had my dream again, where I'm making love and the Olympic judges are watching. I've nailed the compulsories so this is it, the finals. I got a nine eight from the Canadian, a perfect ten from the ! American, and my mother disguised as a East German judge gave me a five six. Must've been the dismount.

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2010-09-16)

Brian: Please, please, please listen! I've got one or two things to say.

The Crowd: Tell us! Tell us both of them!

Brian: Look, you've got it all wrong! You don't NEED to follow ME, You don't NEED to follow ANYBODY! You've got to think for your selves! You're ALL individuals!

The Crowd: Yes! We're all individuals!

Brian: You're all different!

The Crowd: Yes, we ARE all different!

Man in crowd: I'm not...

The Crowd: Sch!?

Source: Life of Brian

Quote of the Day (2010-09-15)

Lisa: My family never talks about library standards. And every time I try to steer the conversation that way, they make me feel like a nerd.

Comic Book Guy: We are hardly nerds. Would a nerd wear such an irreverent sweatshirt?

[open his jacket to show off his shirt]

Lisa: [reading the shirt] "C:/DOS C:/DOS/RUN RUN/DOS/RUN".

[laughs]

Lisa: Oh, only one person in a million would find that funny.

Professor Frink: Yes, we call that the "Dennis Miller Ratio."

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2010-09-14)

Sir Arnold: "But once they have accepted the principle that senior civil servants could be removed for incompetence, that would be the thin end of the wedge. We could loose dozens of our chaps, hundreds perhaps."

Sir Humphrey: "Thousands..."

Source: Yes, Prime Minister

Quote of the Day (2010-09-13)

Macaulay Connor: Doggone it, C.K. Dexter Haven. Either I'm gonna sock you or you're gonna sock me.

C. K. Dexter Haven: Shall we toss a coin?

Source: The Philadelphia Story

Quote of the Day (2010-09-12)

Dot: I'm sure you have the life insurance squared away?

Ed McDonnough: Have we done that honey? We gotta do that honey!

Dot: You gotta do that HI! Ed's got her hands full with this little angel.

H.I.: Yes, ma'am.

Dot: What would Ed and little angel do if a truck came along and splattered your brains all over the interstate?

Ed McDonnough: Yeah honey! What if you get run over?

Dot: Or carried off by a twister?

Source: Raising Arizona

Quote of the Day (2010-09-11)

Tom Hanks: Hello, I'm Tom Hanks. The US Government has lost its credibility so it's borrowing some of mine.

Source: The Simpsons Movie

Quote of the Day (2010-09-10)

Diane: Oh no. The thing I feared most has happened.

Carla: What? Your Living Bra died of boredom?

Source: Cheers

Quote of the Day (2010-09-09)

Sybil Fawlty: You know what I'll do if I find out that money is yours?

Basil Fawlty: [calling after her] You'd have to sew 'em back on first.

Source: Fawlty Towers

Quote of the Day (2010-09-08)

Jim Hacker: "Bernard, this government is here to govern, not merely preside like our predecessors did. When a country is going downhill, it is time for someone to get into the driving seat, and put his foot on the accelerator."

Bernard Woolley: "I think you mean the brake."

Source: Yes, Minister

Quote of the Day (2010-09-07)

It's not a question of where he grips it! It's a simple question of weight ratios! A five ounce bird could not carry a 1 pound coconut.

Source: Holy Grail

Quote of the Day (2010-09-06)

Jerry: "You know how the big toe is the captain of the toes, but sometimes the toe next to the big toe gets so big that there's a power struggle and the second toe assumes control of the foot."

George: "The coup de toe!"

Source: Seinfeld

Quote of the Day (2010-09-05)

I'm saying, that the right man for you might be out there right now, and if you don't grab him someone else will and you'll have spend the rest of your life knowing that someone else is married to your husband

Source: When Harry Met Sally

Quote of the Day (2010-09-04)

Rebecca: Until I began eating clean, I never realized how a good a nice, dry ricecake could taste.

Woody: How can you eat those, Miss Howe, they don't have any flavor.

Rebecca: Oh, if I eat these I will live longer.

Woody: Well, I have a question. You know how you're always talking about how you hate your life? How come you wanna make it longer?

Rebecca: Shut up, Woody.

Source: Cheers

Quote of the Day (2010-09-03)

Bart: [after they watch a foreign film] I was so bored I cut the pony tail off the guy in front of us.

[holds pony tail to his head]

Bart: Look at me, I'm a grad student. I'm 30 years old and I made $600 last year.

Marge: Bart, don't make fun of grad students. They've just made a terrible life choice.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2010-09-02)

Rainer Wolfcastle: [singing] Mein bratwurst has a first name, it's F-R-I-T-Z / Mein bratwurst has a second name, it's S-C-H-N-A-C-K-E-N-P-F-E-F-F-E-R-H-A-U-S-E-N.

Source: The Simpsons

Quote of the Day (2010-09-01)

Sir Humphrey: "Minister, you said you wanted the administration figures reduced, didn't you?"

Jim Hacker: "Yes."

Sir Humphrey: "So we reduced the figures."

Jim Hacker: "But only the figures, not the number of administrators."

Sir Humphrey: "Well of course not."

Jim Hacker: "Well that is not what I meant."

Sir Humphrey: "Well really Minister, one is not a mind-reader, is one? You said reduce the figures, so we reduced the figures."

Source: Yes, Minister